The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
