I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
