Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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