theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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