You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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