yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
