You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
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