I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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