We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
