I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
