It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
