I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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