the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
