White coat. Heels.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
