we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
