I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
