Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize