There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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