You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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