I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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