I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
