Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
