Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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