She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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