He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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