There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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