i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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