Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
