Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
