Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
