if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
