somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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