you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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