yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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