I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
