Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
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