This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
