It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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