there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
