just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
