Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
She announced her abortion via fbk
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
