Pappa wants mamma naked
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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