her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
