I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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