My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Randomize
