tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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