my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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