the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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