There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
