I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
