I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
