Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
