I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
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