in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
