I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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