Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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