So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
