happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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