I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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