Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
