if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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