hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
id be glad to
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
