btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
