come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
