why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
