so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Randomize
