Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
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