Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
