im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
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I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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