id be glad to
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
