3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
She's just so happy...and so naked.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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